Mastering the Art of Saying No
This article was first published on my personal blog at xiabanba.wordpress.com
Two years ago, if anyone were to call me a pushover, I would have been outright offended. But the truth is, two years ago I really was kind of a pushover.
I didn’t know what boundaries were. And I didn’t know that it was okay to disagree with people. I put everyone before myself, regardless of who they were. And my go-to line was often “it’s okay.”
I’ve seen many people close to me suffer from the same problem that I once did — where the simple thought of turning someone down for whatever reason could trigger major panic.
I’ve met people who, even when the urge to yell “no, it’s not okay” was overwhelming, couldn’t muster up the courage to voice those thoughts.
As you read this, you’re either nodding in agreement or wondering how that could ever be possible. If you’re the former, stick around and I’ll share with you just how much mastering the art of saying no can help you. If you’re a part of the latter, stick around anyway.
Photo by Moose Photos on Pexels.com
I’ve struggled a lot with setting boundaries and saying no. Even to this day, I still do at times. But after years of slow growth into a more confident and self-assured person, I am certain of at least one thing:
Learning to say no is empowering.
Speaking up for yourself feels good.
It can seem intimidating. You might feel like you’re letting someone down, or causing them to be disappointed in you. But in truth, learning to say no could be the one thing standing between you and learning to love yourself more.
Saying No Won’t Trigger the End of the World
For me, one of the many things that prevented me from putting my foot down sometimes was my fear of conflict. In my mind, doing anything other than agreeing with someone would disappoint them or irritate them. In my mind, the word “no” was an atomic bomb that had the power to end friendships and create rifts between me and the people around me.
In reality, the way I thought was just a reflection of my people-pleasing ways coupled with my anxiety. It also showed just how little I understood boundaries and especially how relationships worked.
The truth is, having boundaries and saying no won’t make your friends, if they’re really your friends, like you any less. On the contrary, having boundaries reflects just how much you like yourself.
It’s Hard at First, but it’s Worth It
Learning to say no won’t benefit anyone more than it will benefit you.
For me, as I slowly learned to create my own boundaries and speak up for myself, I found my confidence gradually growing as well. That said a lot, considering that I spent much of my life with little to no self-confidence.
If you struggle with setting boundaries for yourself, then I can tell you this: it’s not easy, but it is very rewarding.
Saying “no” when you mean “no” will be much easier on your psyche than saying yes and feeling uncomfortable about it afterward.
Even if you have to start by practicing speaking up for yourself in the mirror, I can assure you that as you make progress, little by little, you’ll find yourself proud to be achieving all the growth you once never thought possible.
Recognize Your Value. Set Boundaries for Yourself.
Recognize that learning to set boundaries — learning to say no — is a huge part of the growth process and an even bigger part of learning to love and value yourself more.
Most of the time, an inability to say no stems from fear of rejection and low self-confidence. Remind yourself that you are much greater than those fears. Build your self-confidence. And take it one step at a time.
Someone invites you out but you’re not feeling up to it? Say you’re not feeling up to it.
Someone says something to you that you don’t like? Voice your feelings to that person. Those feelings are valid.
You’re given a coke when you really wanted an iced tea? Ask for your iced tea, damn it (politely, of course).
Challenge yourself to put your foot down. Start saying no, and before long you’ll have mastered what you once thought impossible.
